The most annoying job in the world

It's no secret that I loathe sales promoters. I think they are just being paid to annoy people. Imagine you are in a hurry and they just ambush you and follow you until at last you give in and listen to them give a lengthy description of their services or products.

I swear, all sales promoters are the same. They are harder to shake off than double-sided tape, think 15 minutes is the same as 2 minutes and have never heard of the phrase "NOT INTERESTED".

I was in AMK Hub on Wednesday when this sales promoter ambushed me. Slicked-back hair, a lanyard around his neck and spotting the BRIGHTEST smile, he spotted me from afar and stood in my path. How rude. I considered walking straight and bulldozing him over but sadly I wasn't huge enough.

So I was forced to stop and as a little bit of revenge, I fed him all sorts of bullshit. He wanted to know if I have a credit card, I told him no, I'm only 19 years old, a Year 1 student at NTU, studying engineering. I would have come up with more crap but I was in a hurry so I just sort of ran off.

Hey, these people should know what they signed up for.

But seriously, this is like one of the few chances when you can pose as anybody you wish! You can be a high-flying stockbroker, a troubled teen, an eager doctor-wannabe...let your imagination run wild! Just bullshit all the way and if they catch your lie, just pretend to spot your friend and run off. Easy-peasy. Imagine what fun it would be!

Scenario #1
ASP (Annoying Sales Promoter): Hi Miss! Do you have a credit card?
Me: Oh oh! I have a ThisFashion card! Does it count?
ASP: Er...no. A credit card is a card which allows you to pay for food and clothings without paying actual cash.
Me: Oooooh you mean my POSB card!
ASP (Getting frustrated): No no, not your POSB card. You know VISA? Mastercard?
Me: Who? Are they your friends? Gosh what funny names. Are they Swedish?
ASP: NO THEY ARE NOT SWEDISH NAMES
Me: Then what language is that? Swahili?
ASP: NO! THEY ARE CREDIT CARDS!
Me: Credit cards? What are they?
ASP: You know, cards that let you pay for your purchases without actually paying cash
Me: OH! You mean my POSB card!

And so on.

Scenario #2
ASP: Hi Miss! Do you have a credit card?
Me (putting on a strong Beijing accent. Doesn't matter if you can't really pull it off, few Singaporeans can tell. As long as you can speak Mandarin well, they will ask "Are you from China?" If I have a dollar for everytime someone asked me that...*rolls eyes*): 啊？你说啥儿？
ASP: Oh sorry (motions for someone who can speak Mandarin better)
2nd ASP (smiling brightly): 小姐，你好！能给我们一分钟的时间吗？
Me: I'm sorry, my Chinese is really lousy. What did you just say?

Scenario #3
ASP: Hi Miss! Do you have a credit card?
Me (glares angrily at him): What do you think?
ASP: Well, you look like you are working already and looks like you are doing quite well! So I will presume you do have one?
Me: What, you saying I look old is it? HUH?! You know, I have a VERY protective boyfriend. The last person who told me that spent a week in the hospital when a papaya dropped on her head from the 10th floor.

Scenario #4
ASP: Hi Miss! Do you have a credit card?
Me: Oh sure, Masters, Visa, you name it, I have it
ASP (happily thinking he hit the jackpot): WOW! May I know what you are working as?
Me: Oh, I'm currently just playing around with stocks (gives secretive smile)
ASP: Wow I can never understand stocks.
Me (smiles modestly): Let's just say I always have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to the market trend
ASP: WOW that's amazing
Me: Oh it's nothing really *waves hand dismissively* I don't really earn a lot you know. Maybe around...$20,000 per month? (pretends to think for a moment)
ASP (falling over in excitement): That's wonderful! Now, how about I introduce a new scheme we have come up with...
Me (pretends not to hear): You want to know my secret? How I am always able to predict the rise and fall of the various stocks so accurately?
ASP (intrigued): How?
Me (looks around, then leans in and says in a conspiratorial whisper): The stars at night tell me
ASP: Huh?
Me (still whispering): I hear them. Whenever I lean out of my window and looks up at the nightsky. They whisper, they send signals to me. You see, being so high up, they hear all sorts of things, from here all the way to Wall Street. They know everything.

At this point, that guy will either freak out or know a bullshitter when he sees one and leaves you alone.

Scenario #5
ASP: Hi Miss! Do you have a credit card?
Me: Oh sorry, I'm still schooling now...
ASP: Oh, where are you studying?
Me: I'm currently studying Medicine in England. I had just came back for a short break.
ASP: Oh that's interesting. Which university in England is that?
Me (pretends to act shy): Erm...Cambridge...
ASP: WOW you must be a top scorer in your previous schools then!
Me: Well...I was only two points short from being the top scorer of my year for my PSLE and 5th in my cohort when I was in RJC...
ASP: What a coincidence! My cousin graduated from RJC just 2 years back. Maybe she would know you! What's your name? Which class were you from?
Me: OMG I see my old primary school friend! So sorry, gotta go!


See? Easy-peasy. When life throws an annoying lemon in your path, just smile and make lemonade out of it.