All hail the mighty powers of Procrastination!

I had always thought I was the master of procrastination. When I was young, whenever I bought a book from my favourite author, I could take up to 3 weeks just to finish reading that thin paperback. I restricted myself to only 1 chapter per day, trying my best to make it last as long as possible.

I also took ages to finish my meal, particularly if it had my favourite dish. My mom used to say I eat like a bird, pecking here and there. I savour every single bite, every single morsel of food, wishing that my portion would just keep refilling itself.

So anyway, that was all back then. I no longer put that skill I was blessed with to use anymore. But more recently, when I called upon it while in the office (that would be a story for another day), I realized with horror that somehow, somewhere along the way, unbeknownst to me, my skill had left me.

So today, I was taking my time with my work. Most unfortunately, there wasn't a lot to be done today and I was fast becoming desperate when I see my stack of data decreasing. I was already doing it reallyyyy slowwwwly. I was checking everything 10 times over but I was no longer as good at dilly-dallying as I was back then. And the work is already, in its nature, boring as hell. If I did it any more slowly, I would have fallen asleep. And that's not something I'm comfortable with, because sleeping without my head drooping is something I have yet to master.

You see, you remember that senior I once mentioned that I despised? Well, she had tasked me to do some of the MOST boring data input thingy ever. It is so boring that I thank god for not putting me beside the window, otherwise I might just jump out of it.

Of course I was pissed. I don't know if she did it on purpose or what. And technically, I'm not obliged to do it. I am not under her anymore so who does she think she is? Stupid fat woman who covers my world in darkness whenever she passes by my desk.

Stupid woman.

So there I was, a super disgruntled girl because I fully refuse to do any of her work, only I'm not sure the manager will be on my side if this matter is brought up. Well it's her own fault! If she had treated me with kindness and respect, I would have willingly done it for her.

If you smile at me, I would laugh with you. If you poke me, I would bite you.

Well, I thought at last. It seems like there's only one thing to do.

Oh powers of the Mighty Procrastination. I call upon thee to fulfil your sole purpose and unleash your force within me!

I sighed and glanced at the time on my computer screen. It had gotta be at least half an hour. I mean, I couldn't have been that fast. I still have faith that my skills aren't all that gone yet. It can't be. I mean, aren't these things supposed to stay with you for life? Sure, it may be a bit rusty but nothing a little good polishing won't do. Anyway, I started at 9.30 am and the time is....

9.40am

That can't be right. I checked my handphone time. 9.42am, the time winked merrily at me.

What? What gives? Is time turning backwards without me knowing? I eyed both timings suspiciously.

But no, the fact lies there. I had indeed somehow lost my skill to dawdle. I dropped my head in my hands. What am I going to do? It's not even halfway through the morning and I'm already running out of excuses not to do HER work.

I was ready to give up when the mental image of HER arrogant face suddenly came to my mind. And all of a sudden, I was filled with a resolve. No way am I going down without a fight. Nuh-uh. What was it that Thomas Edison once said? Something about if we did all that we are capable of doing, we would astound ourselves.

Huh. I marshalled in that thought for awhile. Right. Let's see then. If I can't procrastinate, the next best thing to do would be to hide. The pantry? Nah it's in the office, anybody could just walk right in and bust me. The staircase? Nah it's too hot and stuffy there. I just might melt.

So that leaves only the toilet. Fortunately, the toilet is outside the office and relatively clean, with an air freshener. It's pretty foolproof by the way. After all, who can argue with a stomachache? I might have to act a bit woozy and green when I come back which should be no mean feat.

So I finished my stack of work. All's that left is to photocopy a few documents and I'm outta here. I grabbed the few sheets of documents and headed to the photocopy machine. While standing at the machine, my mind drifted off. Maybe I can even hide my book or magazine under my cardigan and have a nice long read in the cubicle. Generally, if anybody is in the toilet, people would just leave you alone. Perfect! It would just be like my idea of -

*Beep beep*

I glanced down at the photocopying machine, a bit annoyed at having my train of thoughts disrupted. The green power light was blinking. TRAY 3 OUT OF PAPER flashed out at me on the screen.

Hallelujah! The machine is out of paper! (I think I will pretend not to notice that Tray 2 is still full of paper)

Well, what do you expect me to do? Obviously I can't be so selfish as to leave it like that right? What if the next person needs to print something urgently?

So I happily slowly quickly walked to the storage room and lingered awhile, looking at irrelevant stuff found the stack of printing papers and bought it back to the photocopy machine.

Well, well. Seems like I have grossly underestimated the capacity of the tray. What if the next person needs to print a shitload of documents?

So I made my way back to the storage room, telling myself to kiss the photocopy machine next time polish the machine ah screw it that I should take less more than the amount I took just now so that I don't have to keep running to and fro.

But alas, my estimation has never been good. And just like that, I made two, I mean three.....oh alright, four trips back and forth. And just like that *snaps fingers* I wasted almost 15minutes!

When I simply cannot find any other reasons to dilly dally am done loading in the papers, I went back to my desk. Well, who should greet me but a new stack of documents for data input and filing! Tralala~ I don't have to hide in the toilet anymore AND I have an excuse not to do HER work! I'm so sorry I couldn't do your work but I have A LOT of filing to do. It just might take me until next week:(

Even if I should be able to complete by Monday, I will make sure I drag it out until at least Wednesday.

Never have I been so glad to see filing that needs to be done. Anyway, I don't mind doing it because I'm on OK terms with the colleague who gave me the filing to do. You see? See what a little kindness can make me do?

Lesson learnt: when my own procrastination powers failed, the Mighty Powers of Procrastination refused to abandon me. I mean, based on the number of hours I have frittered away as a child, I must have been one hell of a devoted disciple. So if all things fail, just wait for them to extend a helping hand.

*Sends a silent prayer of thanks*

I am, indeed, the master of procrastination;)

HAPPY DEEPAVALI EVERYBODY!!