It takes skills and practice to lie convincingly, you know

Before I say anything else, I just wanna thank two of my best friends, Ben and Yuen, for keeping me company for my birthday:) It's great hanging out with you two idiots, laughing at all your stupid jokes and watching "The Town". I had so much fun that day and I'm really gonna miss you guys when you both go for NS...

*

I let myself loose on my birthday. I finally uncaged the shopaholic in me and went on a shopping spree around Tampines and Bugis. So much so, that when I neared my house, the guilt in me was piling up and almost taking over the sugar high I had when I was shopping.

Almost, but not quite.

When I entered my house, I had already decided on how to behave to avoid any unneceesary questions from my mom. The thing is to be normal, like I was returning home from work. Normal normal normal. Did something happen? Nahhhhh *psshkt*

Because I know my mom - she has a nose like a bloodhound that can sniff out guilt or hesitations a mile away. Either that, or she has a Mom-Radar which beeps like crazy every time it detects any of us behaving shiftily.

So I closed the door, kicked off my shoes and called out, "HI MOM!" and proceeded to walk back to my room. Nice and slowwww. That's it. Thaaaat's it. See? I'm not guilty. Nope. Not guilty at....

"What did you buy?" To my dismay, my mom followed me into my room.

Dang. I was hoping Facebook would keep her attention focused enough to let me hide some of the shopping bags (Yep you didn't misread - my mother IS on Facebook).

Ok, think quick. She doesn't have that little frowny crease in between her eyebrows. Which means she isn't in a bad mood and which means I can easily talk her over using a little light laughter and soft coaxing. Right.

"Just a little purchase!" I smiled brightly.

She sat on my bed and pulled out a pair of jeans. "Jeans? The weather is so hot, you still went and bought jeans?"

"They were on sale!" Oooops wrong tone. The important thing is not to sound defensive as this will make it even more difficult to sweet-talk her over. "Anyway, I bought it together with that skirt and they don't cost a lot, really."

I so know where this is going.

"How much were they?" My mom held up the jeans and scrutinized them carefully. I'm guessing she's looking for any tell-tale sign that those jeans "don't cost a lot, really".

If I have a dollar for every time I got that right.

"Around forty plus," I said smoothly.

Actually it's more like fifty....never mind.

The thing with my mom is, there really is no point in telling her the truth when it comes to my shopping. Because I know the Worrier in her pretty well by now.

Ah, the Worrier. Where do we start?

The Worrier is that package deal that comes with having children. She worries about everything regarding her children, from whether you have had your meals, whether your new colleagues are treating you fine, why is it that you are still not home by 11pm, you have to work tomorrow, what the hell are you thinking? We all love her to bits and know she has our best interests at heart but you gotta admit, it gets a bit frustrating at times.

The important thing is hence, to pacify her and not let slip any unneccesary comments that are likely to spark off a whole avalanche of endless worries and questioning. Yup, honesty is really not the best policy here.

So I know for my mom, a little part of that Worrier in her would die if she finds out how much I have spent, and then become convinced that her daughter would grow up to be a mindless consumer, lusting after and spending all my hard-earned thousands on Manola Blahniks and Hermes handbags and eventually dying alone and penniless by the ditch, if she doesn't do anything to curb that evil consumerism behaviour I'm currently displaying. Nip it in the bud before it's too late!

Thus, I have devised a few ways to avoid that Worrier. And technically, it's not called lying. It's just a beautiful, sweet little white lie:

1) Gloss it over
If you have bought something that costs around, say, $49, you ROUND DOWN. Just shrug, pretend you can't really remember the exact price. "I think around....forty-plus?" You pretend to hazard a guess. As though it's so cheap, it's insignificant and you can't be bothered remembering.

Technically, there's nothing wrong with saying that. $49 is still considered forty-plus, so stop being so bloody anal.

2) If your mom tries to guess the price, just go ahead with her answer
If you bought something for $40 and your mom says, "How much did that cost? $30?" Just smile brightly and nod fervently. Pretend to be super amazed and throw in a little compliment along the way. "Wow, Mom! You are so smart! How did you know?" Yep, nothing like a little ass-kissing to soften your mother up.

Although I'm not sure you should be happy if your mom thought that bag you bought for $40 looks like something bought from the pasar malem. You might want to reconsider bringing that bag out in future.

3) Focus on the eye-pleasing aesthetics of purchase
If you know there's no way in hell your mother would believe it if you "gloss over the price", just go straight to praising your purchase as though it's a world-renowned piece of installation art or the greatest thing to grace the world ever since.....well, you fill in that yourself.

Wax lyrical over said purchase and perhaps throw in a little along the line about how "it's the latest look" and that "everybody in Italy/ France is wearing it". It would probably be good as well to mention about how you have read about it in Elle or Vogue magazine. If you are absolutely certain your mother has never picked up a single fashion magazine, nor is she an avid Project Runway fan, I don't see why this method won't work. Remember, your mother was once a little girl too and she will understand the importance of looking good and fashionable (OK honestly, I have no idea if that's true or not, I'm just going with the odds).

Of course, it all depends on your persuasion skills and Mother's Current Mood. Otherwise, you can lie until your pants catch on fire and your mom still won't believe you.

4) Pretend this is a one-off situation
Reassure your mom that you have purchased enough to last you for the rest of the year, and that you probably won't need to buy anything else, even if you know that's not true. Even if you know that once you see the word "SALE" screaming from a shop window or online shop, your legs or fingers will turn on auto-pilot mode and bring you straight to that shop or website. In any case, inject a little pathetic tone and say something like "it's been ages since I last bought anything".

My sis uses that a lot. Unfortunately for us, our mom has a mind like a steel-trap and can always remember what we have bought. She will know which is new and which has just been folded in our cupboards for a long time. I have no idea how she does that. Must be some Mom thing she picked up with having 2 growing girls in the family.


So anyway, I guess my mom cut me some slack that day, since it is my birthday after all. And also because she knows I'm a responsible girl who can be trusted to handle her own finances well:) So everything's fine and dandy that day.

That is, until the next time I update my bankbook. God, I hate doing that. I just know those black little prints are going to depress me. So what I will do is, I will update my bankbook only at the beginning of each month, when I am absolutely certain my salary has been banked it.

So that even if the many tiny black figures pull my spirits lower and lower into the abysmal depths of my stomach, I know that once I see the abbreviations "SAL", along with the amount next to it, my world would be parting rainbows again.




In my world, a little self-denial goes a long way in ensuring my happiness